In the last few weeks Austin and I celebrated our wedding anniversary, and just a few days ago also marked one year since I moved to California, and it put me in a bit of a reflective mood.
There are a few things in my life that aren’t what I want them to be, but, on the whole, it’s largely what and where I expected it to be.
It’s challenging, however, to know you’re not where you want to be. Expectation doesn’t make you content or make desire or ambition go away, and even after a year, there are days that I have to remind myself that every step I chose to take led me here, and it’s where I wanted to be.
Sure, I could be working as a reporter at some newspaper learning and growing in my field, but in order for that goal to be realized, I would still be unmarried– though probably engaged– still coping with a long-distance relationship. And I didn’t want that.
I could dedicate a lot of time to my personal writing projects and work just part-time, but I would have to sacrifice the full-time job that, with any luck, will help Austin and I achieve other goals of independence.
Instead, I chose the option to get married and move to California (I’m only cranky when it’s hot… Mostly…) and work full-time at a job I still enjoy. It’s not my dream job or my career goal, but I don’t come home every day ranting and angry, which is more than a lot of people can say.
I’ll confess, for a long time, I clmplained to myself how it wasn’t fair. My choice wasn’t a simple, do you want to move or not? There was so much else hanging in balance. And sometimes I get caught up in thinking of the dreams and goals and even just options that have been taken off the table. And I wonder how the choices I made will affect my ability, or rather, hire-ability, once I’m able to actually pursue a career. At the end of the day, I can only remind myself that, if given a do-over, I’d do it all the same. Life isn’t fair, but I think, in some ways, we’d miss out if it was.