Ah, remember that feeling when you accomplish something, that high, when you dream of other things you’re going to accomplish? Like when I said I was going to take a few days off and then dive into revising my April novel…
Yeah, I’ll give you three guesses as to what I haven’t been doing for the last two weeks.
You guessed it, I’m writing yet another blog post about not writing. I feel like I do that a lot… but no longer. Due to a foolish use of vacation days (instead of just asking for my usual days off), I’ve ended up with what feels like a bunch of time off. Two days with my husband, which are much needed, followed by another two days off while he works 12s both days, so, I’ve got some time.
And starting something late is better than never, right?
I’ve found myself thinking a lot the last few days about something I wrote a while back, about wanting to put my effort into accomplishing a dream, since so many of my goals and aspirations seem to be on indefinite hold. And after a few days/nights of anxiety, depression, tears and staring into the void known as the future, I’m trying to reel myself back in.
No more Scarlett O’Hera for me. I’m going to start thinking about it, and start doing it. For myself, because I need something to remind me that there is more to life than working until I’m dead. Even if I’m not where I want to be, I can still do things I want to do. No more looking st other people’s lives and being jealous. I don’t have their life, I have mine. So what am I doing with it?
The answer, lately, has been not a whole lot, excluding the thankless tasks I have to do. I throw myself into reading and blogging book reviews because it lets me forget, and while maybe a handful of people like reading my stuff, I doubt it’s really putting me ahead, and I’m not going to hold it up as a shining example of self-motivated progress and success. I guess I’ve written enough “I didn’t write” blogs that I’m not so proud of my blogging anymore. We’ll work on it.
So for the zillionth time, I’ll try to make a commitment to doing something for myself, to finishing a project because it’s something I have to do. And this time I will actually do it. It’s not like I have anything else worthwhile to do.